My Epistle To The Karens!

Because the Zombie Apocalypse is here, and you’re gonna have to know how to identify those infected.   In this article, I will discuss zombies, the walking dead, flesh-eaters, serpents, and talking donkeys of course.    Also, I  dedicate this epistle to any woman who has ever, and will ever, be called a Karen!  

By: Jenny, A.K.A.  The Everything Housewife

BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN PROPERLY INSTRUCTED BY MANY SMART JENNY’S THAT CAME BEFORE ME

Before we do any name calling, I think it’s important for me to identify the biblical origins of my name.   The proper translation of a  “Jenny” in the Hebrew Bible is “ass or donkey.”       One of the most fascinating stories that discusses the use of my name is the story of Balaam and the talking jenny found in the Book of Numbers chapter 22.

A GOOD BEATING WILL TEACH YOU TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH

Once upon a time,  a poor, she-ass,( i.e. jenny) took a beating from her Master, not because she deserved it, but because she could “see” something her Master couldn’t.   This jenny “saw” the Angel of the Lord standing in “the narrow way,” and this destroying angel was about to kill her Master Balaam for his sins of greed.  So what does this she-ass do?  What any stubborn mule would do I presume!  She laid herself down in the middle of the “narrow way” and “refused” to go any further (Numbers 22:26).  But because her Master could not “see” the destroying angel she was protecting him from, he began beating her.   She took multiple beatings before the angel of the Lord “opened” this donkeys mouth so she could scold her own Master, Baalam, for beating her.   

PROPERLY DEFINING THE TYPE OF JENNY

This loyal jenny, who only disobeyed her Master because she was protecting him, goes out of the narrow way, ONLY because HE had gone out of “The Way.”   After taking her lickings like the stubborn ass she was, the Lord gave her the ability to speak, and her Master Baalam THEN, and ONLY THEN,  realized that this “talking ass” saved his life.   Now that, my friends, sounds like one “smart ass” to me.

HUNTING THE HUNTERS

I was just called a “Karen” over the weekend!  To be honest, I didn’t really understand what that meant even though I had seen people using the word on social media, HOWEVER, I knew it was meant in a derogatory way, just by “the way” she used it on me.    Did you know I have been studying speech and its impacts on behavior for over a decade as a personal hobby?   Did you know that’s why I write loads of historical articles “laced” with biblical language on my website? (HERE).  Did you know that I write about witch hunts because I’ve been a victim of one? (HERE). Did you know that I love studying, not just about the victims of witch hunts, but also “the way” the hunters “hunted” their victims?  Did you know that????  Of course you would know that, IF you actually followed me on my social media, because I have written  article after article about this stuff.   But you would actually have to read my very lengthy articles to know that, and yes, I often complain on my social media how no one reads my articles (you can hear me complain HERE).  (BTW….I can see your clicks).

YOU TALKIN’ TO ME? 

For someone who has been studying linguistics and its impact on communities, I was interested to understand what THIS person actually meant when THEY “used the word on me”.   Look no further than the internet and social media (everyone’s source of information) to do that. 

USING “THAT WORD” ON ME

So, before we get started.   Let’s define properly what Wikipedia declares a “Karen” to be:

Karen is a pejorative term used in the Western world for a woman perceived to be entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is considered appropriate or necessary. A common stereotype is that of a racist white woman who uses her privilege to demand her own way at the expense of others. Depictions also include demanding to “speak to the manager”, being an anti-vaxxer, or having a particular bob cut hairstyle. As of 2020, the term has increasingly been used as a general-purpose term of disapproval for middle-aged white women.”  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karen_(slang)

NO LAUGHING MATTER, DO YOUR JOB

Social Media and news articles ALSO confirm the “definition” of this word.  You can read all these “one sided” internet articles, in which linguistic experts comment on the use of the word in modern day slang, but all those linguistics “EXPERTS” and “UNBIAS” journalist in all those news articles ALSO never define what a racial slur is, or how it is used, and that’s what’s “funny” to me.   

I’M ONE OF THEM

Did I mention that I have a degree in Journalism?  I actually deliberately choose not to mention THAT most of the time. Why?  Because I don’t believe anyone can claim that a  degree makes them “knowledgeable.”   Because after studying the writings of those who have degrees who get interviewed by all the journalist, I have learned after “walking on both sides of the fence”  that knowledge doesn’t necessarily equate to wisdom.  And wisdom paired with knowledge is what I like to call the modern-day definition of “street smarts.”  It’s the ability to apply that “knowledge” in the right time at the right place keeps you safe, but you’ll have to “cross over” to the other side to know that.   So let’s cut to the chase, and talk about crossing over.  

HOW DOES THE INTERNET DEFINE A RACIAL SLUR?

What is a racial slur, and how is it used?  Racial slurs pair an outward judgment with an inward judgement to “shame” a particular outward “looking” community.   BECAUSE a person who “looks” like THAT, MUST obviously also act like THAT too, right?  And I’ve written LOADS about this type of judging on my website.   I grew up in a very tight-knit, religious community where people run in “packs of thought” of which I am still a member of (and I  still love my community, if you some of you were wondering where I’m going with that comment).   I thought about leaving at one point, but guess why I didn’t?    Because I discovered that EVERY community “runs in packs of thought,” and it didn’t matter where I went, I was gonna have to identify who the “hunters” were.     Has anybody tried to identify their teacher lately??? Anybody? 

LET’S NOT JUST USE THE INTERNET, LET’S USE HISTORY IN IT’S ENTIRETY

Now, Let’s define what history calls “racial slurs”:

ethnic slurs (ethnophaulisms) … are, or have been, used as insinuations or allegations about members of a given ethnicity, or to refer to them in a derogatory (that is, critical or disrespectful), pejorative (disapproving or contemptuous), or otherwise insulting manner.”  (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ethnic_slurs)

Did you catch that???  References to members of a given ethnicity “paired” with “derogatory,” “dissapproving,”   “disprespectful,” and I would like to personally add to THAT description, PUBLIC SHAMING, of individuals for their identity.     And IF ANYONE would know what public shaming “feels” like, it would be tight-knit religious communities, and THAT’s NOT A DISS, rather, it’s an important observation that should not be dismissed.  In religious communities, it’s part of many religious rites to “publicly shame” individuals for a “purpose” that I am only beginning to be able to explain in “bitter” words laced with a little “street smarts” at this present moment (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ordeal_of_the_bitter_water) ( also HERE). I’ve been writing about THAT ritual for a while now.  But you would have to “know” me to know that.  Read my articles.  Just sayin!  

And while you’re reading that, how about you read through EVERY SINGLE RACIAL SLUR that’s been used throughout history on EVERY SINGLE COMMUNITY (HERE).  And some of you are thinking right now, “Well now, you “Karen,” I guess it’s finally your turn!”   And don’t you just feel satisfied inside?  Whoever YOU are? 

I’M A PATTERN MAKER (HERE), ARE YOU?  

History defines EVERY SINGLE RACIAL SLUR, (HERE) Go ahead!   Read ‘em!   The devil uses the same tactics he always has, and all you have to do is take a good “look” back through history to see how he does it.     You can read right???  Well, that’s what the education system gives you.   The “opportunity” to get an “education,” but guess what, if you can’t properly “apply” that education to real life, guess what that means?  It means you’re just a blind fool leading other blind fools into a ditch, and all that “knowledge” you got yourself from all your “fancy” schools is in vain. (Matthew 15:14 )  (Luke 6:39). Shout out to the innocent souls who are going to be sucked into the tidal wave that’s coming (You can read some of my thoughts about that right HERE).    I’M BLOWING A TRUMPET RIGHT NOW, because apparently Moroni dropped his in an earthquake (HERE).  (Matthew 24). I’m hoping some of you can actually “hear” it. 

CAN YOU APPLY A PATTERN? 

Does the modern-day definition of a  “Karen” fit THAT pattern?   Now I know this is going to require some of you to use some “deep” thinking here, and you’re actually going to have to “apply” the pattern to your own speech AND behavior.   And OUCH!!!! For you so called Jesus-followers, that’s gonna be painful if you’ve laced that speech with hate, but guess what,  I can forgive.   Can you?    The question isn’t if I’m a “Karen” or even if you’ve “used” the word Karen, the question is “how” YOU have been using the word “Karen?”   

IT’S NOT THE WORD, IT’S THE “ENERGY” FROM THE PERSON USING THE WORD

Okay, Okay,…..I might ruffle some feathers here, but whatever….wouldn’t be the first time.      I’m sick of people telling me to “shut up” with their shaming tactics.   I grew up in South, and I also “associated” frequently with “lower-income” communities, WHY?   Because I liked them, and I was one of them—white, black, and then some.    And for some reason they “accepted” me no matter what I “looked” like, and all I have ever wanted was to be accepted for WHO I AM.    So thank you for loving me.  I have always loved you too!

I’VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE

I have heard racial slurs used my whole life from both white and black people.   I have heard racial slurs used as “terms of endearment” ON PEOPLE, BY PEOPLE of the same color skin.   I have heard communities listen to music laced with “racial” slurs that were used as an artistic expression by people who came out of those communities.  I have seen “friendly” use of slurs my whole life between the same communities who ALSO use the EXACT same slurs to “light fires” of hatred.  So, if it’s not the words, maybe, just maybe, it’s how “THEY” are saying it.   How are YOU using your words?  It’s time to apply  the “pattern” to your own flesh.   I’m writing THAT pattern, right here right now.  Let’s test it out.  

I’M STILL JENNY FROM THE BLOCK

I know where I came from?   Do you?    I’m not defending the use of this language, rather, I’m defining what “hate speech”  actually is.    Hate speech is speech accompanied by HATE—and you can “feel” it when they say it to you.   And it’s only because I have grown up in a “tight-knit” religious community, in which “speech” is so heavily regulated that I have learned HOW to FEEL this type of speech.  Thank goodness someone else suffered for me, because I have had to pass a lot of baggage to Him. 

NEEDING AN ADVOCATE 

HOWEVER,  because I also needed an advocate who had “language” to communicate with My Father on my behalf because no one could “see” who I was, including myself, (1 John 2:1)  I also know that I must be an advocate for those who don’t have the same kind of language I NOW have.   Guess who taught me to SPEAK?  (And THAT is a loaded question). (Revelations 13:10)  Guess who also knows how to “load and use” this type of speech to affect your behavior?  (1 John 2:18).  Does anybody have a clock? I’m trying to find out what time it is.   

GOD GAVE ME THIS PULPIT, SO I’M GOING TO USE IT

The funny thing is that I have spent my whole life asking if myself if I am a “bad person” while all my childhood friends (outside of my religious community)  were, simultaneously,  calling me a “goody goody.”    I couldn’t “see” myself.   In fact, I think God has been preparing me this ENTIRE time, to “see.”   Not on the outside, but the inside.     

HE’S WEAVING HIS TAPESTRY—HER NAME IS ZION

I love people who have actually come out of different communities and have found ways to “weave” in and out of these communities that are “different” than them—I’ve been watching them too.    It’s the most beautiful thing to witness.  To be honest, I see it as a gift.     It’s what I call the ability to “cross over.”    That’s what the word “Hebrew” actually means.  It means to “cross over”, and guess who used that word first—God.   And by the way,  HIS speech is HIS imagery, and the original Hebrew language was written in images.  (Original Hebrew Pictographs)

HEBREW WAS A RACIAL SLUR, DEPENDING ON THE “TIME” YOU LIVED IN

Abraham was called a Hebrew, and to actually study the imagery “surrounding” that word is fascinating.   It means to “pass through” a liquid or watery medium and “come out dry” on the other side  (HERE).   Kinda “sounds” like the “image” of the Israelites following Moses through the “parted waters” of the Red Sea   (HERE).  Or the Prophet Elijah taking his “cloak” and “striking the waters”  so that they could “cross over on dry ground”.    I am also reminded of other “preparers” who “cross through great waters” on to dry land, like Noah before the flood, and what about that guy my community calls, “Nephi?”  Didn’t he build a boat to “cross over” waters.   Oh yeah, and don’t forget that guy The Brother of Jared and his “tight dish” we read about in our Book of Mormons.  (HERE)

Sounds like a bunch “hebrews” to me?    But wait, that doesn’t sound “dirty” when you say it THAT WAY Jenny!  So let’s talk dirty.

LET’S TALK DIRTY, BUT YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO STICK OUT YOUR CLOVEN TONGUE AND KISS ME WITH IT (Acts 2:3, Matt. 26:48)

How does the Apostle Paul, hundreds of years later, get accused of being a violent, Egyptian rioter who “supposedly” led a revolt of over 4000 assassins into the wilderness? (Acts 21:38). That’s right, people from Paul’s own Hebrew community accused him of leading an army of assassins.   Of course, because I, like Paul, also enjoy hunting the hunters, I’ve been asking myself HOW this type of confusion could even happen?  How does a guy who speaks like THAT in his 13 different Epistles to the his religious community get accused of committing THAT kind of violence when in fact, he was doing the exact opposite?   And how does someone who “speaks” like Paul in his letters, escape every time “they” come looking for him? 

LEARNING FROM THE MASTER TEACHER

Lucky for Paul, he spoke two “languages—-you know, Greek AND Hebrew, and he spoke them using his “cloven tongue of fire,” paired with his actual “street smarts” and his actual “religious and cultural knowledge that he gained from being a member of the the “strictest sect of the Pharisees.”  (Acts 26:5).  AND THAT, my friends is why you should be obedient and stay the course.   Because Paul knew how to speak “multiple languages,” he was able to make a “case” for his potential executioners, the Romans, every single time “THEY” (whoever they were) came after him with their pitchforks (wait, wrong time period, that was Salem, Mass).  Pardon me, I meant to say, “every time they came after him with their stones.”  

CAN YOU BLEND IN? 

Paul spoke the original language of the Hebrews (a language in which the original meaning was being manipulated by the violent, Jewish dissenters who were also training assassins) (Acts 22:2). If you understand the “opposing” political and religious climates of the time, as well as the various classes of people who came from these communities, you could learn to be the “right type” of reptile, and THAT reptile, is what I like to call a “chameleon.”  

GET TO KNOW EVERYONE, BUT TRUST NO ONE 

Now, how’d Paul learn how to do that?    Well, I’m guessing Paul spent a lot of time with the communities he lived in ACTUALLY getting to know them—Hebrews, Ethiopian eunuchs, women, dirty old peasants and widows, religious scholars, passive aggressive scholars, violent dissenters, some resurrected guy named Jesus, and your regular, old doctrinal dissenters we like to call his apostles. Paul might have even developed a “cloven tongue” in the process (HERE)    Now that sounds really dirty—almost as dirty as not washing your hands before eating during the middle of a Zombie apocalypse. (Luke 11:38) (Galatians 2:11-13)

HAVE YOU STUDIED YOUR OWN RELIGIOUS LANGUAGE? CAN YOU USE IT? 

What was happening to the Hebrew community?   How did innocent people who spoke and look like the Apostle Paul (for which half the writings of the New Testament are attributed to) come to confuse his “image” with the “image” of an assassin?   Paul was from the “strictest sect of the Pharisees.”   He could speak the original dialect, and he was an obedient student of the religious law.   He also understood what the “original” hebrew language meant, and how to use it properly.      

I WEAR A CLOAK TOO

But these Hebrew Assassins were murdering “Hebrews” and stirring up other members of the Gentile community who were converting to the original Hebrew religion through Paul.  These assassins operated UNDER THE GUISE OF RELIGION using the “image” of peaceful, law abiding Hebrews like a “dirty word” while also acting as “assassins” under the cover of night. They were violent “Jewish Patriots” who engaged not only in, but also organized political killings.  In fact, other writings from that time period refer to these violent assassins as “dagger men.”  And if that doesn’t sound like a secret combination to me, my latter-day Saint friends, then I don’t know what does. 

TO ALL MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS

I occasionally use swear words.  Mostly because I grew up in communities where they were used as “expressions” without any malice behind them.   To my non-christian friends, I also “watch” the use of my language at times because I know that in “some” communities, my words will be perceived as “offensive,” BECAUSE they don’t know where I came from.    To all the ignoramus fools out there who keep trying to “manipulate” the flow of language between communities who don’t “know” each other’s intentions yet, BEWARE, I’ve been “watching” you my whole life.     I “see” you, and I “feel” your hatred.  Can you “see” me?   I’m spelling it out for you at this point, so that you can.   Salvation is a free gift.

DID I MENTION THAT MY HATER WAS A SELF-DESCRIBED WHITE, FEMALE CHRISTIAN?

Race doesn’t matter.  It really doesn’t.   HOWEVER, culture and identity does MATTER.   DO NOT ERASE WHERE YOU CAME FROM!!!!!!  It’s who you are!  It’s your heritage, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and THAT heritage makes you strong, because you have overcome the hate!  You’ve come to a place where YOU can use language in a new way.    I’m a writer.   Writing is an “expression” for me—it’s an art.   I can “see” other artists, and I am speaking to my own community right now.   I ‘see” how you use “the word”.   Now watch me use it!

USING THE WORD ON YOU—HE DID IT FIRST 

When I told my husband that I was just called a “Karen,” and then I “defined” what that word meant.   Do you know what he said to me?   He said with a smile, “Babe, you’re definitely a Karen, just not that kind, you’re the kind of  Karen  that’s spelled this way…..“Cairn.” 

How Wikipedia Defines A “Cairn” —

cairn is a man-made pile (or stack) of stones. The word cairn comes from the Scottish Gaelic: càrn[ˈkʰaːrˠn̪ˠ] (plural càirn [ˈkʰaːrˠɲ]).[1]  In modern times, cairns are often erected as landmarks, a use they have had since ancient times. However, since prehistory, they have also been built and used as burialmonuments; for defense and hunting; for ceremonial purposes, sometimes relating to astronomy; to locate buried items, such as caches of food or objects; and to mark trails, among other purposes.

TALK DIRTY TO ME

In other words,  a “cairn” is a memorial or marker that points out a “direction” for you.  Also, did you read that?  It said it was used for “defense” and “hunting.”   Heck, if you’re nice, THIS Cairn might even feed you some “meat” from my “hunt.” (Matthew 25:35). THAT’S RIGHT BABE, I am THAT kind of CAIRN.    And you’re also right, it’s pronounced the exact same way as THAT Karen, but only you could SAY “THAT word” to me because you actually “know” me. (Luke 1:34)   AND THAT BABE, THAT’S how you “talk dirty” to me.     However, if you want to call me names, go ahead.   I can get “lit” in lots of different ways. 

THEY’RE DEAD ALREADY, BUT YOU’RE NEXT

You see, dead people don’t need memorials.   They’re dead!    Dead people have no use for our “tangible” monuments or headstones.  We’re the ones who need them.  It’s for us!!!!  The memorials placed as monuments for “our dead” are for US to remember THEM.   This is what the Apostle Paul actually meant when he said,

28And when all things have been subjected to Him, then the Son Himself will be made subject to Him who put all things under Him, so that God may be all in all. 29If these things are not so, what will those do who are baptized for the dead? If the dead are not raised at all, why are people baptized forthem? 30And why do we endanger ourselves every hour?…”  1 Corinthians 15:29

WALKING DEAD RIGHT HERE

You’re in danger.   My people who can “hear.”  I’m shouting!  A flood is coming!   You can’t see it, but I already have, and it’s a “Zombie Apocalypse” full of the “WALKING DEAD” who will “EAT YOUR FLESH!”   There are two kinds of flesh eaters in that realm, and I’ve “seen” them both.    The Apostle Paul and Jesus were the “hunting-the-hunters” kind, but the other kind is what I like to call “THE WALKING DEAD.”    The devil likes to possess the bodies of the other kind, and they’re your “basic”  flesh-eaters.   They’re already dead, so you can’t help them, but if you “chop off their heads” you’ll be able to continue to watch them crawl around on the floor like the “serpents” they are, and if you’re lucky, “it will make you wise,” (or a “a wise ass”) and you might even learn how to put on their “cloak.” And THAT, my friends, is how you wield the sword of Laban AND the apple of Eve all at once . (1 Nephi 4:18-19)  (Genesis 3:14).

WHOSE KILLING WHO?

They see your purity, and they want to destroy it.   They see your street smarts, and they want to make you feel stupid.  They see your patience, and they want to incite you to rage.  They see your beauty,  and they want to make you feel ugly.   They see your heart, and they hate you for it.  They see your happiness, and the want to kill you because THEY CAN’T HAVE IT. (Matthew 10:28

WALK AND TALK WITH ME (Luke 24:14)

What does it mean to be crucified with Christ?   Paul said, for him, it meant that he died with Him. ( Romans 6:6)  Why?  Because he was “crucified” with Christ.   He suffered and died with Him, only to then be made ALIVE again by Him (Ephesians 2:5).   I think the best “way” to explain what Paul experienced is to dissect Paul’s own language in his description of meeting the resurrected Lord on the road to Damascus. The resurrected Jesus says to Paul, “Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?  It is hard for thee to kick against the pricks?” It says that when the Lord spoke these words to Paul, he spoke them in a Hebrew tongue, and the mention of THAT “language” is  important. (Acts 22:2) (Acts 26:14)  Paul  was “stigmata” in the flesh (HERE).   It’s time that self-professed Christians start “learning” what these things mean, and “become” them, because the time is coming that you’re going to have to “prove” whose tongue you actually speak with.  

PAUL KNEW HOW TO GIVE A BACK-HANDED DISS JUST LIKE THE SERPENTS

Paul called hypocrites in scripture  “white-walls.”   And THAT phrase used by Paul is laced with all sorts of symbols that the hypocrites of his day understood  (Acts 23:3).  It was absolutely an insult. (HERE).   Paul could see the DEVIL, and guess what, the DEVIL could “see” him? (Acts 19:15).  That’s why Paul was constantly on the run.  The devil was always chasing him.   But Paul had learned, not just how to outrun and escape the devil—he learned how to face him and put on his “cloak” if necessary.   He did it by staring the devil in the eye, and back-handing him with the same tongue the devil had used to “kiss” him his whole life—and THAT’s what “overcoming” public shaming “looks” like.  (John 18:22) (Acts 23:2). 

I KNOW HOW TO TAKE A BEATING

There is a passage of scripture in which the Apostle Paul “witnesses” the stoning of an “innocent” prophet of God named Stephen.  Stephen, I’m sorry to say, did not use this “back-handed” language when he called out his hypocrites, and his very direct and logical accusations got him stoned.  (Acts 7:58).  On a personal note, I’m great at writing this kind of “speech,” but I am NOT skilled at speaking it, or always recognizing it in the moment. Speaking it IS also an art too.   Like a “dumb ass”, I lay down in “The Way” and take my beating like a “smart ass” who is not only trying to save her Master, but who also wants to live too.  (HERE).

THANK GOODNESS JESUS IS WALKING WITH HIM

Thank goodness Paul “crossed over” safely through the waters before those killers could capture him.   You’re gonna have to walk with someone greater if you want to survive the “flood” and that’s what it means to “walk up rightly with Jesus in The Way,” because Jesus was and still is the ONLY ONE who could raise Paul, IF AND WHEN, one of those Zombies returned to kill him  (Acts 24:14).  

TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ACTUALLY HAVE THE NAME KAREN

To all those of you who were “given” the name Karen at birth, I want you to know that I have always loved that name.    I want you all to know that I ALSO  personally know white, black, and Asian people with the name Karen who are probably feeling a lot of “unspoken” hurt right now.  I know how beautiful you are inside and out, and that’s right???  I actually have MULTIPLE friends that I “know” with that name.  You devils might find this shocking that someone who “SPEAKS” like me could actually have friends.  But I do.  Do you have any friends?    It must be the energy attached to the “words” I use.  You get to choose what I’m saying when YOU read it, but you will ONLY guess right if you have taken the time to get to know me.  

HELLO SATAN,   MY NAME IS ACTUALLY JENNY

It’s time to “get to know” people?   And that’s going to take more than “looking” at an image.  Because you can’t overcome THIS enemy without getting to know them.    DON’T EVER BE ASHAMED OF WHO YOU ARE.  That’s what they want.    And to all the DEVILS out there “shaming” people with the speech of their teacher.   You should check out who “Barrabas” is in scripture Luke 23:19 .  His name means, “Son of the Father, Son of the Teacher,” and if I had to choose between “living in a community with a murderer” or being “crucified with Christ,”   well,  Jesus already knows where I stand on that, and he’s the one helping me stand, because I can’t do it on my own anyway. 

TO THE WOMAN WHO CALLED ME KAREN 

How’s that for “virtue signaling?” (HERE).   You’re the first person in ALL of these communities to accuse me of having any sort of virtue.  You would know!  We can both “see” each other.   I know who “touched,” me, but do you know who “touched” you?  (Luke 8:45).  AND THAT, my friends, is what I like to call “word porn” properly applied by the back of my hand to a Zombie.  (HERE).

I Dedicate This Article To all those who came before me:  (Malachi 4:6)

This article is dedicated to all the smart asses who have surrounded me my entire life.  First and foremost, I would like to dedicate this article to My Father, who is dead, but obviously still with me.  He is still the biggest smart ass I have ever met in my life, and I am not ashamed of him because he was never ashamed of me.   I would also like to thank my husband, for being the type of smart ass who taught me how to laugh at myself, because his impersonations of me were so good that I just had to laugh.  Thank you to my brother-in-law, who is a self-described smart ass and internet body guard for me against Zombies.  I know you aren’t Christian, but neither was Porter, and you’re a modern-day, internet Porter Rockwell who God will exalt anyway.

Thank you to all my other brothers, uncles, and male figures in my life who are smart asses, and of course, my Aunt Debbie who has literally kicked people’s asses and who taught me all sorts of smart ass comments so that one day, I could be attacked by Zombies and actually develop a vaccine to help cure their victims.   As a former beauty queen, I not only still wish for world peace,  but I also claim to know the cure for it.   I have not patented this cure for a profit because Jesus taught me that “world peace” can not be bought or sold without also, becoming a Zombie myself who will end up killing other innocent victims.  (Acts 5).   To date, I am still a penniless blogger and beggar, and only God knows how hard I try.  (Luke 16:20)

Finally, I would like to close this article by sharing the words of a song, that one of my smart ass uncle’s shared with me, and to that Uncle I say, you are smarter than you look. 

One Tin Soldier (The Legend of Billy Jack)

by Dennis Lambert & Brian Potter, performed by The Original Caste (1970)

This song was performed by Jinx Dawson and Coven in the movie “Billy Jack” (1971)

Listen, children, to a story

That was written long ago,

‘Bout a kingdom on a mountain

And the valley-folk below.

On the mountain was a treasure

Buried deep beneath the stone,

And the valley-people swore

They’d have it for their very own.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,

Go ahead and cheat a friend.

Do it in the name of Heaven,

You can justify it in the end.

There won’t be any trumpets blowing

Come the judgement day,

On the bloody morning after….

One tin soldier rides away.

So the people of the valley

Sent a message up the hill,

Asking for the buried treasure,

Tons of gold for which they’d kill.

Came an answer from the kingdom,

“With our brothers we will share

All the secrets of our mountain,

All the riches buried there.”

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,

Go ahead and cheat a friend.

Do it in the name of Heaven,

You can justify it in the end.

There won’t be any trumpets blowing

Come the judgement day,

On the bloody morning after….

One tin soldier rides away.

Now the valley cried with anger,

“Mount your horses! Draw your sword!”

And they killed the mountain-people,

So they won their just reward.

Now they stood beside the treasure,

On the mountain, dark and red.

Turned the stone and looked beneath it…

“Peace on Earth” was all it said.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,

Go ahead and cheat a friend.

Do it in the name of Heaven,

You can justify it in the end.

There won’t be any trumpets blowing

Come the judgement day,

On the bloody morning after….

One tin soldier rides away.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,

Go ahead and cheat a friend.

Do it in the name of Heaven,

You can justify it in the end.

There won’t be any trumpets blowing

Come the judgement day,

On the bloody morning after….

One tin soldier rides away.

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